I am pretty excited for the new week, which is odd. Mondays are supposed to be boring, a rude reminder that our fun is restricted to two days of the week only! Well, that theory rings true when the weekend was actually fun. Spending the whole day in bed scrolling through my Facebook feed doesn’t count as fun. Don’t get me wrong, my weekends are not usually like this. Just that the past week I have been pretty anxious. And when I am anxious my brain shuts down. I usually cant focus on one thing, I have the constant urge to not be in one place. When knocking off last Friday it had already been settled in my head, I needed to stay home the entire weekend, and fix myself –not in a drug abuse kind of way. I needed to know what was making me feel this way. A part of me knew it was because lately I have been making plans regarding my future. Unfortunately some of those plans rely on decisions of other people, a thing I have no control over. That makes me anxious.
And so the weekend arrived, on schedule. The only problem was I couldn’t shake off this uneasy feeling. I opted to constantly refresh my feed and sleep a little. But still, this feeling wasn’t going anywhere. I got a call, I needed to drop off a phone my friend had forgotten some weeks back. Maybe that would get my mind off this anxiety, or maybe not. Still I went, dropped it off and on my way back passed through Game stores to window shop headphone prices- pretty expensive! Before I went out on my way, I remembered! I needed to buy a light bulb. The light bulb in the toilet had exploded some weeks back. Like literary exploded. I still don’t understand why. I had tried to replace it with a bulb I had in the house, turns out there was a fault with a bulb. But I did not know this. All along I had thought the explosion messed with the bulb holder. But anyway,I went ahead to buy a new bulb, maybe it would work.
I feel like sparing a paragraph to praise these bulbs I get in Game stores. But let me not waste your time. I pay for my bulb and walk out of Game feeling like am carrying the sun in my hands. I get home and straight away try it. It works. And from that moment I feel my anxiety lift away. I really did not understand what was going on. But then it becomes clear, as clear as these amazing Game store bulbs.
My anxiety kicks in whenever I feel I have no control over a situation. And lately waiting upon another persons decision regarding my own future has been making me pretty anxious. But fixing my light bulb gave me some of that control back. I did not think I would fix it- which is embarrassing because it is just a light bulb really. But I did.
There are a lot of things we can not control in this world. But there are things we can- however small they be. When the big scary situations come knocking on your anxiety, try fixing yourself by fixing that which you can control.
Happy anxious free Monday!