Making hard decisions, or just decisions

Its been months now since I moved from my cousins house. Finding a house in Blantyre was a hectic experience! I do not know how many viewing fees I gave out to agents who always succeeded in disappointing, always. I convinced myself I would never find a house through an agent; I reasoned a decent house really wouldn’t require the services of an agent anyway. Everyone these days seems to know someone in need of a house, so why bother hiring an agent, you know. I must have been right because I found my house through a referral from a colleague from work.

I did not really know what to expect with moving. I was excited to get my own place and to decorate it the way I want, and get all the little cute furniture I saw on pinterest (haha). I would eat whatever I want, sleep whatever time I please and I would wash the dirty plates the next day, sorry mum. But it was also scary to think of especially for a woman living alone in a country that has security issues. But when I had found the house, I did not have time to think, I had to move and figure it all out along the way.

Needless to say, its been months and I still haven’t got the cute pinterest furniture I planned on getting. My stuff is piled up beside my bed, gosh gives me a headache each time I see it. I do eat what I want, but the mid month bug does cause havoc at times. How do those married people who have kids manage? My house is not what I wanted it to be. My mum always says furnishing a home takes time and I should be patient. I do agree with her. But I partly blame myself for the state am in, I never seem to make the hard decisions on getting stuff, or even the simple ones for that matter.

If there is anything staying alone is teaching me, it is my hesitation to make decisions.  Take buying a mbaula for instance. I knew I needed a mbaula thanks to the persistent blackouts sponsored by ESCOM or is it EGENCO? But am pro environmentalist, if that is even a thing. I mean charcoal does us good, but is one meal good enough reason to make up for years of growth of a single tree? The decision to buy a mbaula wasn’t an easy one (still isn’t) and it took such a long time. But I eventually got a mbaula. I haven’t used it yet, it still sits in the space beneath the kitchen sink. I hope I never have to use it.

I came across something interesting on Facebook today. A list of 21 suggestions on becoming successful. Suggestion number 17 reads, ‘Be decisive, even if sometimes you will be wrong ‘. That resonated with me on a whole different level. I realise now that what scares me from taking decisions is the fear of making the wrong decision. The fact that my ideas sound peculiar to most people doesn’t help. I keep postponing decisions because I do not want to make the wrong one or make compromises that would hurt someone else.

But decisions have to be made, whether they end up being the right ones or not. Some bad decisions have ended up being the best ones for some people.  I have told myself to make conscious effort and make decisions. To make my stand on matters clear, no matter how peculiar. My decisions are a reflection of who I am, what I stand for. I will definitely brush off people the wrong way with some of the decisions I  will make, but we can not agree on everything now can we? My mind is me and decisions are who I am. I know it is not as easy, but it’s worth the try.

I hope as people we get the courage to make decisions that matter in our lives, even the little ones. Oh and that reminds me, I really have to decide quick whether or not to get a haircut. This debate has gone on for so long in my head! I mean, a pixie would be nice, but do I have the time to maintain it? Will it be okay if I cut my hair in December given that it is so cold? Can my current wardrobe go with a short hairstyle; not that it goes with long hair either lol… But see what I mean?




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